Make Me Numb

I'm on a Mission

Wed, 04 Jan 2012 10:46:08 -0500

I’m on a mission to freedom. I feel completely trapped, suffocated by my own brain and I need freedom. I need to find self-love, respect myself, adore myself, challenge myself. I need a transformation, new skin, new aura, new light. I feel like my whole life is a waste, I’m wasting. My brain is wasting. My muscles deteriorating. No more excuses. I can’t live another day in the hell I’ve created in my head.

I'm at this point in my life...

Mon, 15 Aug 2011 16:08:29 -0400

where nothing makes me happy. Not even the littlest things that I used to adore, like root beer floats or taking a walk are tiresome. I don’t know what else to do about this. I’ve always been under the impression that being depressed was a state of mind and that I could talk myself out of it. It’s not working anymore.

I’ve been on some form of anti-depressant for over a year now. And it’s just not getting any better. Trial and error, my doctor says and I’m starting to hate him. I just want to be happy with my life, with what I have and where I am. I desperately want to be quiet, just peaceful and calm and fucking happy.

Photo

Mon, 08 Aug 2011 17:46:26 -0400

call-me-royal-blue: untitled by ask_alaska on Flickr.

Mon, 08 Aug 2011 17:44:20 -0400

call-me-royal-blue:

untitled by ask_alaska on Flickr.

Everything is Blurry

Mon, 08 Aug 2011 17:44:01 -0400

Today is one of those days. I put on contacts but they just don’t seem to see as clear as glasses. Sure, I look prettier, but my head is killing me. And everything is blurry.

Today is one of those days. I put myself out there. Ventured out from my comfortable cocoon. I let her know. Yes, you hurt me. Yes, you effect me. You burden my mind and make me spin and I hate it. But I still love you.

Today is one of those days. I put my expectations on my sleeve. I expected a response. I wanted her to notice. I let myself be consumed. Looked through blurry contacts and what I saw wasn’t real. And I’ll probably do it again tomorrow.

Photo

Mon, 08 Aug 2011 17:29:22 -0400

Photo

Mon, 08 Aug 2011 17:28:55 -0400

Photo

Wed, 16 Feb 2011 03:04:36 -0500

I wish, just once, by maybe some freak occurrence of nature, I...

Tue, 15 Feb 2011 13:38:51 -0500

I wish, just once, by maybe some freak occurrence of nature, I were able to catch and hold a bubble.

Photo

Tue, 15 Feb 2011 13:37:16 -0500

My ultimate threesome. my-sona-tina: Fitzgerald and Hemingway

Tue, 15 Feb 2011 13:37:01 -0500

My ultimate threesome.

my-sona-tina:

Fitzgerald and Hemingway

(via insanedreams)

Tue, 15 Feb 2011 13:28:54 -0500

(via insanedreams)

"If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and..."

Tue, 15 Feb 2011 13:24:32 -0500

“If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger.”

- Wuthering Heights—Emily Brontë (via naturesfreak)

I adore her.

Tue, 15 Feb 2011 13:13:10 -0500

I adore her.

"First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you."

Tue, 15 Feb 2011 13:02:48 -0500

““First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.””

- F. Scott Fitzgerald
(via straycanary)

"It is in the thirties that we want friends. In the forties, we know they won’t save us any more than..."

Tue, 15 Feb 2011 13:01:01 -0500

“It is in the thirties that we want friends. In the forties, we know they won’t save us any more than love did.”

- F. Scott Fitzgerald (via lindathelion)

theselkiesong: A Case of You - Joni Mitchell

Tue, 15 Feb 2011 12:53:55 -0500

theselkiesong:

A Case of You - Joni Mitchell

"Some turn to Jesus, and some turn to heroin."

Tue, 15 Feb 2011 12:52:55 -0500

““Some turn to Jesus, and some turn to heroin.””

- Joni Mitchell - “Banquet” (via dontletthemin)

larkinaround: Sorrow is so easy to express and yet so hard to...

Tue, 15 Feb 2011 12:52:26 -0500

larkinaround:

Sorrow is so easy to express and yet so hard to tell.

-Joni Mitchell

"I can never read all the books I want; I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I..."

Tue, 15 Feb 2011 12:43:59 -0500

“I can never read all the books I want; I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want. I can never train myself in all the skills I want. And why do I want? I want to live and feel all the shades, tones and variations of mental and physical experience possible in life. And I am horribly limited.”

-
— Sylvia Plath (via ilikecailee)